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Are you deadheading?


Letting go of things that don’t serve the purpose, don’t serve us well anymore… It seems easy and obvious but is surprisingly (or not) difficult for so many of us. Yes, I say "us" because I belong here. My whole life I have been trying to "meet expectations". I felt often that "this is the way things are" and it's on me to make it work.

Many of us struggle with toxic relationships, less than satisfying jobs, bad habits, all the “shoulds” and “musts” that overwhelm and drag us down, the feeling of being helpless and stuck. It all drains us from energy and doesn’t leave much for growth and just feeling happy.


Changing often means to us "giving up" and "failing". Now I know that it's not the case.


Do you recognize yourself in any of the below scenario?


You started a new job and soon realized that it’s not for you. But you keep going because if you quit it would mean you failed. You think, maybe you “don’t try hard enough” or haven’t developed “the right mindset” yet?


Or

You are being asked to take on more and more responsibilities. You agree (because what other choice do you have, yes?) and work longer hours to decrease the backlog, feel stressed and frustrated but keep quiet because you hope for recognition and maybe even a promotion. One month, three months, a year…


Or


You are supportive and nice. When someone asks you for help, of course you say ‘yes’. Because that’s how it should be, yes? Others first. Because otherwise you would be selfish, they won’t like you, won’t appreciate you…


In all this cases, and so many other, let me ask you:


When you say ‘yes’ to these things, what are you saying ‘no’ to?

Is it serving you? How do you feel as you go down that road? Do you feel happier, more energized or the opposite?

How much do you invest and how much do you receive back? What do you receive?


Now, imagine you continue being this way for another month, year, two years… How does it feel?



Obviously, our cases are complex, they’re a mix of feelings, believes and fears, responsibilities and obligations, our personal and professional situation. Additionally, we don’t operate in isolation and our decisions often impact others.

In this context change doesn’t mean a simple cut that would “remove the unwanted behavior”.


It’s a discovery process – spotting the draining elements and looking at your situation from all possible perspectives to figure out your best options.


It’s a planning process – defining the best opportunities and actions, small steps, timelines, and success factors.


It’s action taking – step-by-step, with situation analysis and direction adjustments if needed.


And it’s a celebration – awareness and recognition of the smallest successes and improvements in your life. Because they should be celebrated! They’re your achievements!



I have been through many tough decisions, many were painful, costing me a lot, physically and mentally. But it helped me understand that often dragging out a decision that you deeply know is right but are afraid to make may cost you more than doing it. And the relief....


I'm now helping others with their journey. I constantly equip myself because it's a huge responsibility. I'm an accredited coach and constantly learn more - about decision making, positive psychology, behavioral therapy... Because we're all different and have our own story, values, limiting beliefs and dreams. It's a sensitive process, and because it's touching the deepest areas of your soul and heart, the topics that we so often don't admit to ourselves because they're too painful or scary, it requires a gentle but challenging approach, a thoughtful and aware relationship.


Sending you my love,

Barbara

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